How should I be feeling?

At 12:17 PM on Saturday, January 08, 2005

Had a long talk with him yesterday. Clarified things that should have been said long ago. Once thot I no longer feel anything for him after that painful 9 mths but I was wrong. All that were said last night kept circling in my mind when I ran the 5.2km and swam the 30 laps this morning. There wasn't a time today that I wasn't tinking of that.

Many occasions I thot he's being replaced finally when someone stepped in. Even that time when the crush on wy was so strong that I thot I've finally moved on. Finally came to realise I'm wrong last night. I have not stepped out. Not a single bit.

I started asking myself lotsa questions today. Half the time I wasn't concentrating on wad the lecturer was saying. That's why I couldn't answer any of Jinny's qns.(Sorry Jinny!) I wonder if things would be better if nothing were said last night. I wonder if things would be better if nothing was clarified.

Now that it happened, it left me with the very same feelings I had a yr plus ago. With the pain doubled now. I told myself I wouldn't wan to go thru all these again but it still happened. I feel that I'm sort of lk in Donald's situation now. But the diff is I'm never brave enough to face it. To escape is all I know to do. I feel miserable. There's nothing I can do. It's all too late.

Heartache is all I'm feeling now.

By,
CarysMummy