At 10:45 AM on Thursday, August 31, 2006

Just came back from the airport. Went with little sis to study. Yes you didn't read wrongly. I studied! Well, what really went in is another thing.

Studied at exactly the same place. Really brought back alot of memories. Saw this couple studying for their A's. Visited the same places and realised how much i actually missed him. Many many indescribable feelings. Ahhhhhh!

By,
CarysMummy



At 7:45 PM on Wednesday, August 30, 2006


Taken at the airport

By,
CarysMummy



At 7:45 PM on


Me n Sis

By,
CarysMummy



At 1:15 PM on Saturday, August 26, 2006

I really have absolutely no confidence this time. I'd rather not try than get rejected straight in the face. Though it seems it got denser, there's nothing i can do except to keep psychoing myself. I do not have the courage to try. I still want him as a friend.

I've never had this kind of feeling before. The feeling of loneliness. I felt it halfway through lecture today. And it scares me.

I have too many things I wanna say but dun have the courage to. Sigh.

By,
CarysMummy



At 11:23 AM on Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Sometimes I wonder how nice it would be if this world is made up of only girls. It would be so sweet and with less heartaches.

期待原来是一种伤害.现在我只想回到最初的时候. I officially declare that I'm gonna give up on that impossible cloud.

Just when I was feeling a little love-less, i received this in my inbox from one of my dearest and favourite gals. I felt so touched and really missed those sac times. I'm myself when I'm with them. Ever so comfortable and enjoyable. Just how sweet these gals can be and how they are able to make me feel so loved. Love you gals! Thanx Sebrina and I miss you alot!!



An e-card from one of the sweetest fren in my life.

By,
CarysMummy



At 2:43 PM on Monday, August 21, 2006

Had a fruitful but tiring weekend.

My prayer has been answered! Thank God the war has finally ended! Weeee!! Happy happy Jasmine!!

Went to Wenling's 21st party at her place yesterday (Pics posted below). And again, I just love the time spent with my dear gals!! Love them lots!!

I really thank God for the wonderful friends I have. Was really touched last Wed. Though it may be something insignificant to many but to me, a road idiot, it was really really heartwarming. Thanx my dear frens for taking care of the road idiot.

Had lunch today at No Signboard. The food's good!

Went gym in Malaysia today. Saw this aunty in gym who suddenly came to talk to me. We started chatting for quite some time and exchanging numbers. She's a Malaysian who owns an optical shop in JB. She promised to give me a discount if I wanna get branded sunglasses and bring me for famous Bak Kut Teh if I do go in again. So if anyone wanna get sunglasses do tell me ya? Mum n Sis came along to look for me in the gym and found it weird to see me talking to a stranger but later joined in the chat. Nice and friendly aunty. To think i was actually able to make a friend in Malaysia. Me and sis later concluded that we can actually attract aunties to talk to us. Aunties love to talk to us. It's easy to talk to aunties too. Just smile more and be generous with honeyed words and they will love you. Haha.

By,
CarysMummy



At 11:29 PM on Sunday, August 20, 2006


My darlings! If only Seb and Hweeying's here..

By,
CarysMummy



At 11:28 PM on


With the Bday girl!

By,
CarysMummy



At 11:27 PM on


Nizhen, See Hwee and Me!

By,
CarysMummy



At 11:26 PM on


Me and Jac with her food

By,
CarysMummy



At 1:22 PM on Saturday, August 19, 2006

I'm so mentally and physically drained this week. Couldn't focus at all be it while driving or during lectures. The feeling is indescribable. Definitely not a good one.

I actually regretted letting it out. I should just keep it within myself. Now it seems things are getting out of control and it feels terrible. Pls take all feelings associated with that away from me. I don't wish to be feeling them and make myself miserable. Please.

I have no idea why I have that sudden thinking. The feeling of breaking free from what I've always regarded as my everything. I don't wish to wait till the day when I feel the world come crushing down on me. It is because it is something I treasure so much, the hurt doubles if anything undesirable were to happen. I admit I won't be able to take it. Probably it's time I divert my 100%.

Allow me to be unhappy for just today. Tomorrow will be a brand new day.

By,
CarysMummy



At 9:58 PM on Friday, August 18, 2006



A conversation with my colleague at work that day. Note the part about promotion but no increment. Sigh.

By,
CarysMummy



At 9:56 PM on



My workspace.

By,
CarysMummy



At 9:55 PM on



The splendid view from my desk.

By,
CarysMummy



At 9:54 PM on



View from my desk.

By,
CarysMummy



At 9:54 PM on


View from my desk.

By,
CarysMummy



At 9:53 PM on



Almost entire view from my desk.

By,
CarysMummy



At 2:06 PM on Saturday, August 12, 2006

What happened this morning has affected me quite abit.

I think I feel tired and stressed out but i'm in no position to feel that way. Everyone sees me as the most relaxed person and that I should have no stress. Even when I told sis I'm feeling stressed, she just laughed with a 'are you sure?' expression. Okay, so I should be the last person who can feel the stress in their eyes. I'm not even sure myself if that is stress i'm feeling but it's definitely not a nice feeling.

At work, I always give a "Sure! No problem! Yes I can do it!" attitude infront of my colleagues. But fret when i'm back at my workplace looking at the work which i confidently promised I could do. I just so much want to show i'm capable of doing things and sometimes too hard on myself. I could simply just say i can't do it but i refuse. The sense of achievement upon completion is something i constantly yearn for. Many times i give myself unnecessary stress. I'm just doing peanuts as compared to others. So why should i be complaining and come on, i'm in absolutely no position to complain! Perhaps it's the increasing workload and the many many things i have to remember at work that is causing the need to let out. I will and should be fine.

And to the one all of us love dearly: 我真的希望你再也不要常常把死挂在嘴边。请你想想听的人的感受。真的很不好受。虽然我知道你最了解自己的状况，但是我们都很希望你不要再说那些消沉的话。听了真的很难过。

To think I didn't know how to react to her words but just cried infront of her. I couldn't hold back my tears when I looked into her eyes no matter how hard i tried to fight back my tears. I guess i'm just emotionally too weak. I hate it when she's always trying to prepare for the worst. The fact is we are all too reliant on her. She's really too too tired. I really hope she can take a good rest soon. We all love you.

And to the other one who we love deeply too: I know sometimes we really misunderstood you and that you really meant well and cared for us and whatever you do you have our well-beings at heart. We really know and appreciate. But we find it so hard to talk to you. You seem so daunting and 高高在上. Many times we do not know how to react to your questions. Have you changed or have we changed? Is it so hard to close the widening gap between us? I know it's possible because you really love us and we love you too.

I'm upset. But I won't bring it around with me. I won't revert to the jasmine I used to be. I want to be happy.

By,
CarysMummy



At 2:56 PM on Friday, August 04, 2006

I simply think too much.

By,
CarysMummy