Pls tell me why.
At 1:58 PM on
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Just when I'm beginning to let myself fall in love again, my inner self says no. I have this psychological barrier within me that I can't seem to cross. It's not that I didn't make an effort to bring myself out but it just seemed I can't get over. It's a real huge barrier that is constantly preventing me from moving further. I dunno when this barrier will disappear or will there be such a day? Who will remove this barrier for me? I can't see my future in this. I seem to be contradicting myself always. I'm tired. Really.
Though I'm happy with this group of classmates, it seemed we did not handle things in the right way and in the process unknowingingly brought unhappiness to other pple. Just wanna voice out my views about this whole issue. Yes I might be so wrong to condemn people just liddat for things they did not do or things that they dun tink it's wrong. But dun I haf the right to choose and judge for myself? Just lk how others judge me? It's really tiring to keep living under fear of how pple might think, how others might feel etc. Yes we should consider the feelings of others but do they ever consider our feelings? Do we just have to take whatever nonsense pple give us and treat it lk I deserve them and keep my mouth shut and say nothing about it? Everyone definitely has things they can't stand. I'm no exception. Dun lk my style of handling things? Den too bad. This is just me and I dun intend to change to suit anyone cos I simply can't please everyone. Theoretically it's not right but practically I just can't convince myself to put on a mask when I meet people. That's too fake. I wanna be who I am.
Something that really warms my heart is kinship. Only family ties are real and trustworthy. Had a terrible headache yesterday but I felt the pain was all worthwhile. My family's concern for me really touched me deeply. Mummy spent the whole night massaging my head, doing all she can to ease my pain. Daddy, usually the man of few words, kept asking me if I was ok from the moment I opened my eyes, comforting me with his words of concern. As I had to work in e morning, mummy offered to come and bring me home. My little sis purposely came down to mum's shop earlier so that the sun will not be so strong den mummy can go and bring me home and even told mummy, 'mummy ar, u go earlier better la.. Den er jie jiu bu hui sai dao tai yang'. I was so touched when mummy told me my little sis was afraid the sun would worsen my headache. I really dunno how to express my gratitude and really really thankful and fortunate to have this family. I have nothing more to ask for. I thank God for giving me a caring mum forever making sure my needs are well taken care of, for a protective dad, for my sweet sisters, for a wonderful family. They are my strength, my life, my everything. I love you daddy, mummy, da jie and mei till end of time. By,
CarysMummy
Jasmine