A chat with sis.

At 2:43 PM on Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Finally managed to have the long chat I used to have with Da Jie. Ever since she started work, communications with her has been reduced to minimal. I hardly see her at home let alone have a chat with her. Well, we managed to catch up a bit on sat night. Talked about relationships and stuff. About the 90% a man has vs. the 10% he lacked. And about temptations exposed to if you see the 10% present in another guy. It really takes a lot to accept a person for who he is. Frankly speaking, I still can’t. Sis was telling me about the 10% she feels is lacking in her bf. However, I think it’s already very good that she keeps the 90% he had in mind and continued the relationship this long. For me, the only thing I can see is the 10% that is missing. I know very clearly that no one’s perfect. But I believe there will be someone whom in my eyes is perfect and he may not be perfect in other’s eyes. I’ve yet to find my perfect guy. And unless I feel that he’s perfect, I will not accept anyone even if he’s only 5% away from my perfection. If I do, the man will be such a poor thing eventually. So I guess I better not do harm to anymore pathetic poor souls out there.

I fit the story of the blade of grass perfectly. Eventually I will be single and lonely. We were discussing about this in the car on sun. Mum says they can’t possibly take care of me for so long and that I should find a companion if not I’ll be really lonely should my family leave me. That very instance, my reply to her was, if so, I’d rather not live so long. Then my years of loneliness will not be that long. I was telling her this and tears were rolling from my eyes. I realised I really cannot live with loneliness. I fear loneliness. I fear the day when I’m all alone. I really cannot imagine what will happen to me. Perhaps I do not need my friends that much but I definitely cannot live without my family. During the chat with sis, I told her how I broke down when all of them left for Genting in May leaving me alone at home for 3 days. Then she asked me, what if one of us leaves you? I couldn’t answer. Tears just came down and we ended our long conversation. I do not wish to think about it.

Enough of unhappy thoughts. One of the ways to eating healthily is to keep spirits high! Only then we will not tend to binge on food. Something I read from a magazine. I must have been really unhappy all these while that’s why I’ve been binging non-stop. Anyway, one of my brackets fell off when I was chewing nuts today! Chew chew chew then chewed on something really hard. Took it out and realised it’s my metal! Can I sue Camel not ar? They did not clear the shell properly. Is that under negligence? No? Did I mention I suck at all my modules? Ah yes, I worry for my results indeed. Another month plus before doom falls on me.    

By,
CarysMummy