i am longwinded.

At 3:20 PM on Monday, November 21, 2005

Finally felt relieved. Gotten my results and thank God I managed to pass all. That has been my greatest worry. Though my grades aren’t fantastic but I’m pretty satisfied. Mummy and Daddy always say I dote on myself a lot. Never allow myself to go sleepless during exams period or will I set too high targets and force myself to reach them. They say I just love myself too much and will not overwork myself. Even if I don’t finish studying, I’ll just go straight to bed once the clock hits 10 regardless of whether I’ve finished or not. Then I will be in a panic state the next morning and stare blankly at the exam papers placed before me. Terrible girl I am. That is why I always have to thank God whenever I managed to scrape through till now.

1.5 yrs of Uni life has passed. I’m only left with the remaining 1.5 yrs. Just when I’m starting to like school and all, it’s going to end. I want to treasure my remaining school life and enjoy it to the fullest with my wonderful classmates for the next 1.5 yrs. I hope I will finally work hard and do well for my academic and give my best shot. That shall be 2 of my many resolutions for the coming year. Something which I’m still considering: Should I quit my job and concentrate on my studies since the latter should be placed more emphasis as I proceed to stage 2. But that would mean I’ll be poorer by a few hundreds which are actually easy money. If I quit, it means I will have more time to catch up with friends and classmates and make full use of my last 1.5 schooling years which is something I’ve been wanting to do and I guess I’ll be happy doing. However, I do not wish to increase my parent’s burden when I can actually use my time fruitfully to earn my keep. Just what should I do? Quite a tough decision to make.

Caught Harry Potter last Friday with sis. No doubt it was, as many have said, disappointing due to the fact that many details have been omitted. Having read the book only recently, many details which are absent in the movie are still fresh in my head. However, it was still not that bad after all. In fact I feel that it’s a better one than e previous ones if we were to cast what we have read aside. I would think it’s good actually. Coincidentally, I met him again after we finished the show. That very morning, weirdly, I’ve already have the feeling that I might bump into him at TM and true enough I did. I hate the feeling of meeting him and feeling uneasy again. Fortunately he was alone when I saw him. It would have been worse if I saw him with his girlfriend and even worse, holding hands. I really don’t know how I’d react then. Whenever I see a couple holding hands, somehow I’d feel it’s sweet but if it’s him I see, I’d probably not like it. Though I know things are over a long time ago but I’ll still wish I’ll not see him with another girl. I’m selfish I know. But who isn’t?

It seems recently people have been asking if I have a boyfriend. On Sat I received 3. One of which was my grandma. She actually told me not to be too picky and said just a normal guy will do. She sound like she’s trying to tell me I’m not young anymore cannot be too choosy but I’m still young what! Still can afford to take my time right? Was I really very picky? I don’t feel so actually. I’m just patiently waiting for my destined one to come that’s all. I wasn’t even choosing. As for the other him, after much advice and comments from the adults, I know what my decision will be. Although I know for sure I will be very well taken care of in his hands and he gives me a strong sense of security, but reality is harsh. I can’t convince myself to ignore the obvious gap between us. I have to consider the future. Head vs. Heart, I had to choose the former. The struggle within me has been long enough and should be put to an end. I hope my decision will be the best for everyone. I’m free once again.

By,
CarysMummy