At 11:11 AM on Saturday, September 16, 2006

Why did I get myself into this entire shit? Why didn't I just settle with the one who loves me so much? Why did I choose to fall for someone who has absolutely no interest in me? 被爱是幸福， 爱人是痛苦。How true. First it was Ivan, now him. But Ivan still remains the love of my life. Even till now. I want him again but no longer possible.

I don't understand what's all these about wanting to protect me and the friendship. If so, you wouldn't tell others about it. And do you think that by keeping it all the while then saying it out only now helps? And what's all these about not wanting me to be embarrassed? You chose to keep it from me when you knew what's going on but do you know that if you'd told me earlier, at least I can stop blogging or talking about it and make myself looked so ridiculous. Well of course, you are not the one who will feel embarrassed ultimately so why do you have to care? And you just enjoy reading the silly entries I posted about you and had such a great time laughing at how I made a fool of myself. I was merely a free entertainer to you. At the end of the day you have nothing to lose and in fact you are just so proud about the fact that someone likes you. You can just laugh it off with your friends and it wouldn't even hurt. But what about me? I got my feelings involved and in the end what do I get? Do you all know how it feels when everyone knows what's going on except you and here you are continuing to blog about stuff and there people can't wait for the day to come to tease you with it? It just feels so much like the greatest fool on earth i tell you.

If you really considered me as your good friend, why did you keep things from me? You claimed you meant well but why did you continue to tease and simply can't stop reminding me about it? And the very fact is you knew everything! Why did you? Are you really anticipating a show? A show where you see me sink deeper each day and on the other hand you already knew long ago nothing's gonna work out. Shouldn't you warn me earlier and help me get over it if you really were my friend? Why did you then constantly rub into it? I really do not understand.

I used to so look forward to Thursdays because I can have lunch with you people. But now no longer. I even dread going to school. I can't differentiate who are the true ones now. But one thing for sure, I really wanna thank Donald and was truly touched by what he said. At least he's someone I can pour my troubles to and he understands. Just feels really good to have a friend like him. Not forgetting Juntian as well. Though he knows nothing, but I could feel his concern. Some people just don't have to do alot. It's just the little actions and they are more than enough to warm my heart. Thanks alot guys! I really appreciate.

By,
CarysMummy