At 3:02 AM on Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Have been gone for the longest time I know. I wouldn’t say I had no time to update. Just lost the momentum to and of course, the lazy factor. And after enduring what could have been one of the worst nights on Friday and Saturday, I’ve never had such strong urge to log onto blogger and translate all my unhappiness into words. At that time, I found the purpose back to blogging. I just badly needed an outlet. Somewhere I could pour everything that is suffocating me badly out of me. Not that I’ve noone to talk to, just that some things are just hard to come out from the mouth and to anyone. I just do not know how to turn to anyone. The first thing that came to my mind is my blog. But unfortunately, it refuses to sign me in at the times I needed it the most. I do not know why but perhaps I shouldn’t have abandoned it for such a long time. Now, I’m finally coming back.

There was so much I wanted to say at that time. Now it seems after a couple of days, everything seems to have subsided and I do not know what’s left in me. Perhaps still a little emotions here and there but no longer that intense. That’s probably a good thing about me. Recalling how I spent my Fri and Sat night, it was through tears and no sleep at all. I’ve never had my mind so alert that I’ve no wish to sleep at all. Feels really terrible. If I was able to blog at that time, it will be about why I was unhappy. But now, without those emotions felt at that time, there’s nothing much I have to say and found no more meaning to say. Instead, just a reflection for what happened.

It was all about not being able to let go of some things in life. About my 执着, reasonable as well as unreasonable ones. About being 钻牛角尖. About the intolerable beliefs and character I have. Till now, I’m still not quite sure what was the 导火线. I was just totally depressed over the happenings. It was probably an accumulated series of events. I really don’t know. Perhaps a rubber band over stretched and finally snapped? Leave that portion alone. Finding the answer now no longer help anything anymore. Just know that I’m able to step out of this and found myself back. All thanks to supportive dear ones forever standing by me and loving me. 真庆幸家依然是我的避风港, 永远不离不弃.

On a lighter note, I do have happy occasions to share. I will start doing up the long overdue entries and make this blog alive again. Stay tuned.

p/s: Finally managed to load blogger and sign in after almost 4 days of trying. Guess what? Blogger is afraid of Shifu!! The moment i sought his advice and tadah! I'm in!! Quite amazed actually. This entry was actually drafted 2days back just waiting to load blogger and post.

By,
CarysMummy